Manners
by The Qilin
Summary: [Yulmen] NSFW; completed oneshot. Connected to Morning. Kanda and begging don't go together. Alma thinks too much, and Allen likes the idea too much. Kanda's doomed. [Sequel IN THE WORKS but it'll be a WHILE before it's written. please be patient; thanks.]


_Characters: Alma/Allen/Kanda. Also implied other pairings._

_Warnings: Established relationship and threesome sex, edging/tease and denial, spanking, slight bondage and inappropriate use of Innocence. Also the mirror from the last Yulmen request. Still consensual._

_Author's Note: Request was for a Yulmen and getting Kanda to beg. Kanda begging? Why yes I will happily fill that._

_This is definitely an AU—Alma lives, doesn't go crazy, the Second Exorcist project is successful, etc., but Yu and Alma still feel there's something slightly off about everything and so to keep their sanity, they're in a relationship together. Sometimes Allen is in with them, and they actually relax like this._

_If angry, violent sex and inventive, creative sex could be called relaxing. You think Lavi's mind is bad? Meet Alma._

_Finally, there are three POVs, in the following order: Alma – Allen – Kanda_

* * *

**Manners**

Alma watches, chin propped in his hand, as Allen and Kanda argue. Allen stole maybe one or two noodles from Yu's soba and now he's pissed. To be fair, they're in the dining area so they can't do all out. Lavi and Lenalee are trying to drag them apart, unsuccessfully. What's a quiet dinner? Non-existent, that's what.

And Alma is staying out of it. No, he won't step in and get his head taken off. This is like watching two angry dogs bickering. Besides, behind closed doors, all that energy at least went somewhere.

Lavi sits down next to him, rubbing his shoulder. "Ow," he complains.

"Was it Yu or Allen?"

"Yu."

"Allen would've hit harder."

"For real?"

"How have not been punched by Allen before?"

"Ummm wait…" Lavi thinks. "Actually, yeah, you're right. Allen hits harder. But don't tell Yu that. They might turn me into a punching bag as a contest."

Alma laughs and then sips from his drink. "We wouldn't want you all damaged. But you know Lena would step in to save your sorry ass."

"Hey, she likes my ass." Lavi grins at him cheekily. "And she's good at saving me. Look."

Both Allen and Kanda are bearing bumps on their heads, while Lenalee shakes a finger at them.

"She's amazing."

"Agreed."

"…but Yu really needs to learn some manners."

"I'm sure we were taught them! He just ignored them all." Oh, the good old days, when he and Yu fought with tooth and nail and they'd regenerate quickly.

"Maybe he needs a relearning."

Something clicks in Alma's mind. He claps Lavi on the shoulder. "Actually, you're right! I think I'll be doing that!"

"…say, Alma."

"What?"

"Your face is scary."

"Oh." He hurriedly schools his features. "Better?"

"Heh. For a moment I thought you turned into a demon."

"No, I just had a thought."

It was a good thought.

Lavi leans in. "Something to do with Kanda?"

"Yup."

"…I actually feel sorry for him."

"Don't feel too sorry." Alma waves to sheepish Allen and angry Kanda. "It'll be for the better."

**_-|||:|||-_**

Allen finds himself dragged by the hand. "Alma, wait! Where are we going?"

"Someplace where Yu won't find us."

"It's not like he lurks in dark corners, waiting to jump out at us…"

"You'll never know with him." Alma yanks him until they're at a closet. He stuffs Allen and himself into it and closes the door.

"…this is very cliché."

"Does it feel like I'm going to kiss you?"

"No, but—"

"It's about Yu."

"Me?"

"No. Yu as in Kanda." Sometimes, Kanda's name just annoying.

"What about him?"

"What do you say about taking him down a few notches? Lavi noted that he's got no manners."

In the dark, Allen's eyes seem to gleam. The closet's suddenly not stuffy any more. "I would love to. Shall we find a room and lock ourselves up, and then beat the daylights out him?"

"Nah." Alma leans in close. "I thinking more of—" he whispers.

Allen stands still. Then, he smiles. "I like that."

"Thought you would."

"But will he…like that?"

"Nothing about liking it. All he has to do is agree, and you know he can't back down from a challenge easily."

"True." Allen's mind turns. "So you want me to get a couple things. Or—actually, I have a better idea." He whispers in Alma's ear, and wickedly smiles at the way Alma sharply breathes.

"He'll never see it coming."

"No, he won't." Allen is very pleased with himself. "And in the end, he'll have better manners."

"Hopefully."

"We'd be failures if we couldn't get it into him."

Both of them are boys, and like all boys, are still immature enough to laugh at the phrase "get it into him."

Allen leans against the wall. "And I thought Lavi had all the terrible ideas."

"Where do you think he gets them."

"…I am suddenly imagining the two of you exchanging ideas. No." He waves his hands. "That's _terrifying_."

"Hey, you're not saying no!"

"Hmph." That's true.

Alma pats him on the shoulder and twists the doorknob so they can get out of the small space. "Just have fun tonight."

Allen smiles, and he's gratifying to see Alma blink and even back away a little. He's the master of smiles. "Oh, I will."

_Kanda is so in for it._

**_-|||:|||-_**

Kanda is sulking in his room, maintaining his sword. So he's not too pleased when his door bangs open and Alma and Allen appear.

Alma attaches himself to an arm. "Yuuuu~"

He grunts. "What?"

"Come with us!"

"Why?"

"Because." Allen is all smiles and it disturbs Kanda. Really _really_ disturbs him. "Aren't you up for something tonight?"

"No. I'm busy." His head is still sore from Lenalee. He pulls away from Alma. "And I'm not in the mood."

"Not the mood? Since when are you ever in the mood?"

Kanda lifts his head. "When I want to own your ass, I'm in the mood," he grounds out at Allen. "And that's not now."

"Sorry, I'm not letting you have it tonight." Allen's shrugging out of his vest and unlooping his bowtie with careless hands.

"Then go away."

"But Yu," Alma sharply bumps his head against Kanda's shoulder, forcing him to put down his sword. "I want to do things."

"Then tell me so I can decide."

"Well, for starters—" he nods at Allen. "He's got a few things."

Before Kanda can curse or even blink, Allen has his Innocence activated and Alma is shoving Kanda down. It's not to hard for Allen to tie Kanda's wrists.

He kicks out. "What the fuck?"

"Just relax."

They haul him onto his own bed, whereupon Alma gleefully unfastens his pants and unbuttons his shirt. "I'm so glad you're wearing this one, Yu. Makes it easier to take off."

Kanda curses at him as his underwear is also removed, leaving him in only an unbuttoned shirt that's sliding off his shoulders. "Beansprout, if you don't untie me, I'll—"

"You'll what?" Allen lifts a shoulder in a shrug. "Try to kill me with Mugen?"

"Once you let me go—"

"I'd like to see you try to _stand_ after we're through with you." Alma unties his hair and plays with the strands. He's still holding onto Kanda to keep him from struggling too much. And Allen, with those damn strips of Innocence, can sit just far away enough to avoid any kicks.

Kanda grits his teeth. "What the fuck do you want?" This isn't their usual way of doing things.

"Well." Allen summons more strips of Innocence and now Kanda's ankles are bound as well. "You can blame Lavi. He's the one who said you didn't have any manners."

"So we're teaching them to you," Alma finishes, shifting and turning Kanda over. "Cause you really need them, Yu."

"I have _manners_. That stupid general made sure I had them."

"Seems like you forgot them." Allen tugs at Kanda. "I don't ever remember hearing him say 'please.' Do you, Alma?"

"Hm…" Alma considers this as he drags the dark-haired exorcist into his lap. "Not for a long time. It's like he was a really nice kid."

"I can't even imagine putting up with him as a brat."

"He tried to yank me arm off."

"Really?"

"Yeah. We fought pretty regularly."

"And now it's become me."

"We still try to pulverize each other, sometimes."

"Nice to know I'm his current target."

Kanda tries to push himself up. "I'll leave you two to bicker." He's pushed down all too easily.

"Oh no, Yu." Alma slides a hand over his bottom. "Not until you say please."

"Fuck you, and fuck you, Beansprout."

"Once an idiot, always an idiot." Allen shrugs. "Alma, since it's your idea, you can go first."

"Really? I thought you'd want the honors of doing this."

"No, I have other things in mind."

"Hm, all right."

He's about to say something else, but Alma brings his hand down sharply on his ass and he ends up yelping before he snaps his mouth shut.

Allen is not-so-subtly laughing. "I didn't expect that. Caught him off-guard with that."

"You—nngh." Kanda grimaces. Dear god, this fucking stings. He finds himself arching into Alma. "But why this."

Alma tilts his head. "Would you rather I hit you with something else?"

"…"

"Thought so." _Slap_.

He hisses as the action is repeated. He tries to squirms until Allen threatens to sit on him, and settles for flinching and holding his breath each time that hand is brought down.

Some uncomfortable squiggles down his back. Surprisingly, Allen sits in front of him and cups his chin. "Just one word, Kanda."

Even with his hands bound, he still manages to give Allen the universal sign to fuck off. Much to his annoyance, the other laughs. "It would be too easy if you gave in like that."

"Like I'll give in at all."

"Well, you're not saying no to all of this."

"…"

"Yu's face is red." Alma ruffles the top of his head. "Aw, look at him."

He contemplates biting a few fingers. Maybe even breaking bones. Except his ass is sore and probably just as red as his face, and he's got a stupid boner—

Wait. Does he? The next slap gets the curve where his bottom and thighs meet, and he exhales. Fuck, now he's more uncomfortable than ever, and by the way Alma is stroking his bare shoulder, it's obvious.

Allen turns his chin. "I'm so glad you kept the mirror," he teases. "Look at yourself."

He ends up doing that; him, sprawled across Alma, lower half of his body bare and hair around his face. Flushed cheeks and even more flushed ass. The hand comes down and he catches himself thrusting against Alma's thigh. It makes him all the more determined not to say please. Seriously, what were they thinking?

…or maybe, they thought about this for a while. Kanda struggles anew, glaring at Alma. The other only raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"You're not getting anywhere with this."

"Oh, really?" Alma slips a hand down to grip his cock and tease the tip. "This says otherwise." He brings his hand up and slowly licks the moisture from his finger.

"But maybe he's right. Maybe it's not enough." Allen holds Kanda's wrist and pulls him away. "Maybe he needs a little bit more convincing."

"How about the two of you stop talking like I'm not listening?"

"You want to participate? Say please."

"Fuck you."

"No, fuck you." Allen pumps his erection a few times. He then winds another strip of Innocence at the base of Kanda's cock. "And, please excuse Alma and I while you lie there and watch us."

Kanda swears in Chinese. Alma grins at him before stripping and helping Allen out of his pants, and then they kiss, leaving Kanda on his own.

He shifts his legs, and curses in his mind. Allen is making pleased sounds as Alma touches him with his fingers and lips. They grind their hips together until Allen puts a hand up to look over at Kanda.

"Are you ready to say please."

Allen does not deserve acknowledge, so Kanda does not give him any. His nipples are assaulted by a pair of lips and teeth, nibbling and sucking.

He twists in his bonds and tries to not make any sound.

"Yu~" Alma kisses him. "It's not too hard, you know. Just one word and it'll be over."

"_I don't_ _want_ _to say it_."

"Hmph." Allen rolls his balls in his hand. "Are you sure?"

"…yes."

"Have it your way then." The white-haired exorcist massages the glans of his cock, and Kanda bites the inside of his mouth. Alma alternates between touching his nibbles and biting them.

Is it possible to die of an overload of sensations? Maybe. His mind is getting awfully fuzzy, but he knows that he refuses to say please. It's so stupid, all of this.

Until a hot, wet mouth swallows his erection and his knuckles whiten. That's Allen, of course, gently bobbing while his tongue swirls over the tip and collect the pre-come there. He looks up to catch the smirk.

"Kanda?"

He shakes his head fiercely. Nope. But his body is shuddering, thrusting against hands and lips, and he can't stop it.

"Maybe a little more is necessary." Alma hands a container to Allen. "Here."

Allen dips a finger in that. "I'll ask you again, Kanda."

"You can't make me do anyth—" There goes the finger. "Anything just because you said so," he says, rather breathlessly. Fuck.

At the first attempt, Allen finds his prostrate. His hips snap up as his nerves are touched, and he thought he could climax, if not for the binding on his cock. And that damn Beansprout is still squeezing him.

A moan makes him look over, and he sees Alma touching himself shamelessly. "This could be you, Yu," he states. "If you weren't so stubborn."

Still, he holds out. He manages to hold out even when Allen has four fingers up his ass and Alma is grinding up against his back. He can't hold back his sounds, though, not when they tilt him so he can see the mirror and Allen enters him, his cock still bound. At least he release his ankles so he's not as uncomfortable as he was.

Or maybe he's just as uncomfortable, because there's a flame in his loins that's causing his heart to beat faster and make everything else, every other touch, too sensitive.

Alma rolls against him, breath hot against his ear and fingers still fondling. "You could've been inside of me, warming me and filling me, Yu." His voice is low and it sends shivers all over Kanda. "And you might've been the one to make me say you name, scream it, claim it."

Kanda hunches his shoulders. "_Hah_."

"Ready yet?" Allen's fingers circle his balls and rub them. "Because I can even do this." He loosens the binding, and Kanda immediately tries to rolls his hips.

Allen lets him.

Kanda closes his eyes and he's about to come, but a hand clamps down. He hisses out a curse. "What—"

"You still haven't said it." Allen plunges in and out at a stead pace. "And I won't let you come until you say it."

"F-fuck you."

"Still with that?"

"Yu, he's really not going to let you. And neither am I." Alma's cock rubs against his back, wet and hard.

When Allen releases him, he growls and against tries to speed it up. Alma's too quick though, and he's once again denied.

"One word."

Kanda bends his head and when the next thrust hits his prostate, he jerks and moans, past caring if he sounds stupid. His inhales and exhales are already loud.

They repeat this three more times, and Alma comes against him, whispering his name and pinching his nipples. Allen sounds as if he's ready to follow, but the look on his face says otherwise, and so does his hand on Kanda.

Kanda is spiralling down, and he's probably losing it. He can't even think straight. He's rigid and hard and damn uncomfortable, and he fucking needs to come before he loses his mind. He wheezes into Allen's mouth; the other's just kissed him, quite calmly too. His fingernails are digging deeply into his palms and Alma is licking the side of his neck.

It's unbearable.

"All right," he gasps out. "I give." Damn it all.

"And?" Allen squeezes his cock again.

He gives the best glare he can, under the circumstance. "_Please_."

All he cares is that the stupid Beansprout removes his hand, and when his prostate is stimulated again, he climaxes, heedlessly of the sound he just made as sparks burst in his sight behind closes eyes and as he arches into the air. He's dimly away of Allen finishing after him and someone smoothing his damp hair out of his face. When the Innocence winds away from his wrist, he falls against Alma.

"I think you tired him out, Allen."

"Really? I thought we might try for another round…"

"Shut up." Kanda pushes away limply and he ends up fall off the bed. "Tch." His legs aren't really working, and neither are his arms.

"I told you about standing."

"Just. Get me off this damn floor." He actually wants a shower, but he's too boneless to even initiate that. Alma pulls him up, and kisses him on the forehead.

He refuses to look at either of them and their stupidly wide grins. Fuck them.

"I think he made him grumpier…"

"He'll get over it."

"No, he won't." Kanda opens one eye, and slams a pillow into Allen's face. "Now, please _go away_ and let me sleep."

He doesn't understand the bursts of laughter. Alma is holding onto Allen and they collapse in giggles. "What."

"We did it."

"Fucked me? Yeah, sure. Big deal."

"No, we got you to say please." Alma wipes tears out of his eyes. "I can't believe that actually worked."

"…"

Right, he's had enough. He fiercely kicks them. "Sleep on the chairs. In the bathroom. On the ground. I don't care, but I'm not sharing the bed."

"Aw, Yu." Alma curls up next to him. "But you're warm and I'm cold." He tucks his arms around Kanda and buries his nose into his shoulder.

"And I'm all tired out." Allen lies down next to Alma.

_And whose fault was that_, Kanda thinks crossly. He puts his arm over his eyes. "Someone get the lights, and stop talking so I can sleep."

They manage to arrange themselves contentedly enough in a few minutes after the lights are turned off. Kanda sleeps on his side and ignores the two of them, but he does listen when they "make amends" and promise to "make it up to him."

Because the truth is, he's just peeved he didn't know about their plans, or that it was over something this stupid. He's not complaining about the sex at all. Why? Because that might've been one of the best climaxes he's had. It travelled from head to toe and left him shuddering and even now still lingered.

However, they're definitely going to have to find a different way. None of this lame "say please" shit anymore. And certainly not spanking. His ass still aches, and he wonders if he'll actually be able to sit down tomorrow.

Kanda falls asleep plotting revenge on Alma and Allen. But mostly Allen.

And possibly creative things with Mugen, because he fucking hates Crown Clown and the idiot beansprout deserves a taste of his own medicine.

* * *

_Thank you for reading._


End file.
